Q: How are Boris Becker and President Clinton alike? A: Both aren't as successful when they're not on grass. Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore? A: Yeah, they were Bill Clinton.

Q: Did you know that Clinton's cat can play Chess? A: Inside Information: The cat isn't really all that good at Chess. The last time they played best of five, Clinton won three games to two. Q: Who would become President of the U.S.

A if the President died? A: Bill Clinton of course! Q: How does Bill Clinton change a light bulb? A: He doesn't. He whines a while, says "I feel your pain", and gets congress to pass a billion dollar light security bill, and blames republicans and special interests for not making lightbulbs free. Q: What do the Republicans have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? A: A mandate to govern.

Q: How can you tell that the guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane? A: He seems to have thought Clinton would be in his own bedroom at night. Q: What did Hillary tell Bill when the Paula Jones story broke? A: "You idiot! I told you to let Teddy Kennedy drive her home! Q: What did Boris Yelstin say when asked if meeting Clinton made want to convert Russia to the type of government they have in America? A: "Never! I'm not going to let my wife run the country!!" Q: Why doesn't Bill like old houses? A: He's afraid of the draft. Q: What's the differents between Bill Clinton and an elephant? A: About 20 pounds and a jogging suit.

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Koresh only burned 85 people.

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and David Koresh? A: Some people still believe in David Koresh. Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Joseph Stalin? A: Some of Stalin's subjects admired him. Q: How many Hillary Clintons does it take to change a light bulb? A: One--she just holds the bulb and the world revolves around her. Q: What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver? A: The bus driver stops to let the kids out.

Q: How does Bill keep Gennifer Flowers away from the White House? A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride. Q: When will there be a woman in the White House? A: When Hillary leaves town. Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a container of yogurt? A: Yogurt has culture. Q: What is the best thing that ever came out of Arkansas? A: Highway 55. Q: Why does Clinton always have a stupid grin on his face? A: He is stupid! Q: Why is Clinton prone to losing his voice? A: He keeps having to eat his words. Q: How do you know when a liberal is really dead? A: His heart stops bleeding.

Q: How does Al Gore spell potato? A: T-A-T-E-R. Q: Why is Chelsea growing up a confused child? A: Because dad can't keep his pants on and mom wants to wear them. Q: Why were there two presidential limousines in the inaugural parade? A: The first one held the real president while the second one contained the president's spouse, Bill Clinton. Q: How has Clinton made his cabinet look more like America? A: Many of them have sixth grade reading levels. Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: Jimmy Carter waited until after the inauguration to break his promises. Q: How do you spot Al Gore in a room full of secret service agents? A: He's the stiff one. Q: What were the three toughest years in Al Gore's life? A: Grade six.

Q: If Rodham gets health care, Bentsen gets treasury, and Aspin gets defense, what does Gore get? A: Coffee. Q: What will Bill's favorite retail outlet be after his economic blueprint takes effect? A: Everything's 100. Q: What was the real purpose of Bill's college visit to Moscow? A: To study economics. Q: What is Clinton's plan to create thousands of small businesses? A: Take thousands of big businesses and wait four years. Q: Why is Bill infuriated with Chelsea's new private school? A: They broke family tradition by making her wear a uniform. Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter? A: It took Bill less than 100 days to botch a military mission.

Q: Why did Bill go out to sea on an aircraft carrier? A: To promote off-shore drilling. Q: Why did Clinton choose Canada as the site for his summit with Yeltsin? A: So he could look up some college buddies who moved up there during the war. Q: What does Clinton have in common with his Hollywood pals? A: They all make a living by lying to people. Q: Why did the Davidians commit suicide? A: They were trying to keep up with the Joneses. Q: Why are there more jokes about Waco than Jonestown? A: The punch lines were too long in Jonestown. Q: What do a Wendy's Hamburger and the Waco compound have in common? A: They were both cooked by a guy named "Dave".

Q: What is the only thing worse than an incompetent liberal President? A: A competent liberal President. Q: What is the first thing that President Clinton says after waking up? A: "Good morning, Bill." Q: What has Clinton done that no one has been able to do in the last 5 years? A: Unite the Republican Party. Q: Why did Clinton waffle on military action in Bosnia? A: His area of expertise is dodging armed conflict.

Q: How many Democrats does it take to destroy a light bulb? A: None. They only know how to destroy the taxpayers. Q: When did Clinton's friends become sure that he had political ambitions? A: When he married outside of his family.

Q: What does Bill Clinton have in common with former great Presidents? A: Absolutely nothing. Q: What is the difference between Bill Clinton and Elvis? A: Elvis was drafted and served proudly in the Army. Q: Why did the IRS recently audit Bill Clinton? A: Because he filed as head of the household. Q: How is Clinton's health care reform a lot like his haircut? A: It is a lot more expensive than it looks. Q: What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy? A: A puppy stops whining after it grows up. Q: Why were the Clintonites pushing the BTU Tax? A: Because they could spell it. Q: What is the basement where White House staffers work called? A: The whine cellar.

Q: Why aren't Clinton White House staffers given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: How can you identify a computer that has been in use at the Clinton White House? A: There is White-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if it was a shared computer used by many staffers? A: There is writing on the White-out. Q: What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been spotted. Q: How is Bill Clinton like a passive-restraint device? A: He is a bag of air that is not on the driver's side.

Q: How is Bill like a character actor? A: When he shows character, he's acting. Q: What is Hillary's favorite holiday? A: Summer Solstice. Q: What do you get when you give Bill Clinton a penny for his thoughts? A: Change. Q: What do you get when you cross Bill Clinton with a gorilla? A: Who knows? There is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do. Q: What is Clinton's favorite war song? A: "Over Here" Q: What costume did Bill Clinton wear to a Halloween party that scared everyone to death? A: He came dressed as a two-term president. Q: Why is Perot's wife glad he didn't get elected? A: If he won, they would have to move to a smaller house in a bad neighborhood.

Q: What is the difference between liberalism and socialism? A: Socialism is dead.

Q: What is the difference between Clinton's health care plan and a kidney stone? A: A kidney stone is easier to pass. Q: What is the difference between Hitler and Bill Clinton? A: Hitler intended to deliver on his speeches. Q: What is the difference between the U.S.

and the former USSR? A: The U.S. still has a Communist Party in power.

Q: What does Clinton need to stop the white water? A: A water gate. Q: Why are they renaming Arkansas Highway 50 the "Bill Clinton Highway?" A: The road is crooked, slick, and has a yellow stripe down the middle. Q: What do Hillary Clinton and the Dallas Cowboys have in common? A: They both dominate Bills. Q: What is the difference between TV characters Dan and Roseanne Conner and the Clintons? A: The Conners own their own home. Q: What is the difference between Whitewater and Watergate? A: No one died in Watergate. Q: What is Hillary's new nickname after her latest hairstyle? A: Oldielocks. Q: What are the administration's favorite words in foreign policy? A: We have not ruled out military force. Q: What would one get with a donation to Rostenkowski's legal fund? A: A free stamp. Q: Why are staff cuts so difficult for Clinton? A: He can't give a woman a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

Q: Which of the following does not belong: AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes, or Bill Clinton? A: Gonorrhea--it can be cured.

Q: Why was Roger Clinton's wedding delayed 5 days? A: The bride's father had to wait 5 days to buy the shotgun. Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike? A: They are millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not finishing what they had started.