Rejected Hallmark Cards 1.

So your daughter's a hooker, and it spoiled your day...

Look at the bright side, she's a really good lay. 2.

Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! 'Cause when I had mine I got real snippy. 3.

My tire was thumping...

I thought it was flat.. when I looked at the tire... I noticed your cat...

Sorry! 4.

Heard your wife left you..

How upset you must be.. But don't fret about it... She moved in with me. 5. You had your bladder removed and you're on the mends...

here's a bouquet of flowers and a box of Depends.

6. Your computer is dead...

it was once so alive. Don't you regret installing Windows 95? 7. You've announced that you're gay, won't that be a laugh, when they find out you're one of the Joint Chiefs of Staff! 8.

You totaled your car... and can't remember why...

could it have been...

the case of Bud Dry?