Please help me, people! Recently I rescued a stray subbie and I am having a d**kens of a time getting her re-acclimated to reality.

She had been hanging out in gorean and picked up so many bad habits. She was basically living in a fantasy world, her days and nights consumed by role playing games, and rarely ventured outside of her apartment. From her paperwork we know that weird subbie is about to turn 34. To help her feel at home, the subbies asked her where she wanted to have her birthday party -- we could go anywhere! Weird subbie got super-excited and started babbling about a place called Kronos. Subbie 2 thought it might be a trendy club in the Garden District but there was nothing in the phone book.

Finally we Googled and realized weird subbie was talking about some Star Trek thing. Everyone knows I have many problems of my own, but I had never experienced such sexual dysfunction as I did the one time I took weird subbie back to my bedroom. She laid down on my bed and remained stiff as a board. I got on top of her and after a minute or two of rutting I heard her whispering a littany of names from British monarchy.

I asked her what she was doing and weird subbie said she was thinking of England. Recently I took all of my subbies to the mall and let them loose for some exercise.

A couple of hours later when it was time to round them up, some of my subbies were in Hot Topic while the rest had wandered into the food court and were stuffing their faces at Cinnabunn. But weird subbie was nowhere to be found! I got security to page "Code Adam" but nada...it took some quick thinking, but eventually original subbie found her in the B.

Dalton Bookstore. She had been reading the latest "Marketplace" novel! There are so many little things, too. Each time I try talking to her, she squawks and gets down on the floor into all of these weird poses. Even though her paperwork shows she has a college degree, weird subbie has horrible grammar and none of the other subbies can understand what she is saying. She always talks about "this girl" and won't maintain eye contact.

I just feel so bad for the poor thing. How can I get her to relax and enjoy being part of my harem? I didn't write this but thought it was worth passing on.......

giggles