Quote of the Day "A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation." --Howard Scott Just Wondering Shouldn't a two-way mirror actually be called one-way glass? Thought for the Day If a man tells a woman she's beautiful, she'll overlook most of his other lies.

Today's Quickie My ancestors go back as far as Columbus.

Some of them even went back as far as Chicago.

Quote of the Day "You've got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there.

" --Yogi Berra Just Wondering How do you write zero in Roman numerals? Daughter's Birthday A father leaves work a little late one night and on his way home, he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday and he hasn't bought a gift. He parks his car in front of a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie in the window?" With a convincing voice the salesperson replies, "Well we have 'Barbie goes to the Gym' for 19.

95, 'Barbie plays Volleyball' for 19.95, 'Barbie goes Shopping' for 19.95, 'Barbie goes to the Beach' for 19.

95, 'Barbie goes Dancing' for 19.

95, and 'Divorced Barbie' for 265.95.

" The surprised man asks, "What? Why does the divorced Barbie cost 265.

95 when the rest are only 19.

95?" Taking a deep breath, the salesperson responds, "Sir... the 'Divorced Barbie' comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's computer, and one of Ken's friends.

" All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better.

Life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning the instrument as one goes on. No grand idea was ever born in a conference, but a lot of foolish ideas have died there. The public buys its opinions as it buys its meat, or takes in its milk, on the principle that it is cheaper to do this than to keep a cow. So it is, but the milk is more likely to be watered. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have lost at all. - All from Samuel Butler, 1835 - 1902 A man has an hour to kill before his flight to Los Angeles. He decides to kill some time at an airport bar.

He walks in and sits down next to a clearly nervous guy, who has three empty whisky glasses in front of him. The man introduces himself to the nervous guy, and buys him a drink. The man asks, "Nervous about flying?" The nervous guy replies, "N-n-nervous? I'm t-terrified. I just know the p-plane is g-going t-to crash and we're g-going to d-die.

" "Is this your first time flying?" "N-no, I fly c-cross-c-country all the t-time. It's m-my job.

" "Why don't you just ask your boss if you can drive cross-country?" "H-he would never l-let me do that" "Why not?" asks the man. The nervous guy replies, "B-because, I'm the p-pilot." What would you like?" my wife asked as she prepared the evening meal. "Tuna, salmon, chicken, beef or liver?"Surprised and pleased by this unusual opportunity to make a selection from such an extensive dinner menu, I replied, "Beef would be nice for a change, thank you.

" "Oh, " she said, "I wasn't talking to you, I was asking the cat. We're having soup.

" Life can only be understood backwards but it must be lived forward. The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead. - Robert Brault Human beings are perhaps never more frightening than when they are convinced beyond doubt that they are right. -- Laurens Van der Post The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.

-- Art Spander The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. --Paula Poundstone